I know so many young women who are ready to have a man to call their own; a Pinterest perfect wedding; a house to take care of, decorate, and bake cookies in; and to have little versions of them running around. Yet, they are not ready for marriage. They equate those things with marriage not knowing there is so much more beyond that wedding and those words “I do”.
Are you ready to lay there silently sobbing as loneliness creeps in because you are now spending less time with all your best buds like you used to do? Are you ready to face your selfishness when he doesn’t do something the way you want it to happen, and then you realize that there is an ounce of selfishness in your body and it is screaming at the top of its lungs for you to get your way? Are you ready to go to God alone and not your mom or girlfriends when he does something that makes you mad or frustrated? Are you ready to scrub the toilet he uses, the dishes he eats off of, do his laundry, wipe up his spilled soda off the coffee table for the hundredth time that day? Are you ready to wake up before him to walk the dog, get ready for work, and make the coffee? Are you ready to no longer get the looks, attention, and desire of other men, and sometimes in that feel un-beautiful? Are you ready to speak with gentleness to him after you have had a long, hard day and he snaps at you? Are you ready to not give up or give in when it seems like all you do is disagree and there is someone else who will take your side and listen? Are you ready to not have the money or ability to get basic necessities because he bought a new flat screen TV?
There are so many things I had to face head on our first year of marriage that I was not prepared for. I would have consider myself slightly more prepared than most. We had talked about a lot of important things before we were engaged. Our marriage counseling was thorough. I had a level head and realistic view of marriage and relationships. I am not a needy or materialistic person. That makes me afraid for some of my other friends who live in a dream land of romance. Will they survive? Will they go into shock? I wrote this poem a few years ago, it describes how many young woman view marriage and relationships.
“I love the idea of falling in love, there’s just something about it dear.
I love the feeling of falling in love, I wonder why since you aren’t here.
There seems to be something missing in this love,
I’m not quite sure what it is.
I think I’ve romanced with an emotion and whim,
and left him ashore with his.”
Maybe you are in a relationship and are thinking of taking the next step. Perhaps you are single and just cannot wait until that man comes your way. Or maybe you are already married and reading this thinking “I wasn’t ready and I am not ready for some of those things”. Which ever category you find yourself in I challenge you, think about these things. Are you ready to start doing them with a heart of joy, servant hood, and selflessness? Are you ready to break habits in your marriage and start living in God’s reality instead of a soap opera (or Pinterest) dreamworld? Are you ready to put away the Hollywood version of romance and see it through clear eyes? Don’t get me wrong, there are moments and things in my husband and I’s relationship that are very romantic and “picture perfect”, but that is not what our relationship is based upon. There are things that are fairytale sounding, but there is a very strong balance of reality and selfless hard work. It isn’t perfect, but we are striving daily for it to be what it is meant to be in the fullest.
Choose today what kind of mindset you will take and write down some things that you don’t see through realistic eyes. Ask God to clean up your thinking in those areas and strip away selfishness, making you ready to change and do what it is that marriage entails. Whether marriage is still just a far off dream for you or you are in the middle of it, ask yourself …am I ready for this?
P.S. I also found this great list of questions to sit down and go through if you are planning on getting married soon.
– I finally found the book that we used for our pre marriage counseling. It was very thorough with questions to discuss and worksheets to fill out, then talk through. Honestly there were quite a few things we learned while going through this book that we have been able to put into practice and even help other couples with because of. This is a book that you could do by yourselves as a couple, or with an older couple/pastor as pre marital counseling. “Preparing for Marriage”