Emotions of Pregnancy – Dealing with “Those” Feelings

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I had a “moment” today. A very emotionally unstable moment. I was suddenly overwhelmed by hospital bills. Above all things I HATE dealing with the paperwork and phone calls that are involved in doctors, hospitals, and not having insurance. It became too much for me. I threw myself on the bed and had a pity party. A few minutes later I pealed my face out of the pillow and decided that this “pity party” needed to be over. So I silently sobbed through washing the dishes and listened to some inspirational music. After a brief phone conversation with my husband I was almost fully back to “normal”.

I knew the right words to tell myself. I didn’t need anyone else to say them I had said them myself a hundred times before. I knew it was going to be ok. That everything will work out and I worrying will only be bad for me and the baby. I knew. Yet for 5 minutes I was overwhelmed with this sense of… overwhelmed. My mind shut down and with it my reasoning. I felt lost and beyond reconcile.

But I’ve felt this way before.

That feeling of “is this the right step” when I was 17 and chose to leave the only home and family I had ever known, because I had had enough with the abuse and wanted a better for myself. That feeling I had when I got behind the wheel of a car the first time and almost failed Drivers Ed the first day. The feeling of “have I ruined everything” that I felt at 19 when I left my first serious relationship and got kicked out of ministry school all in the same weekend. The feeling of “are you sure that I am capable of doing this” that pursuing my Ministry Credentials brought. The “I’m not adult enough” I had while planning my Wedding. That sick to your stomach feeling when your husband tells you that you’re leaving everything behind and moving across the country to live with strangers.

THAT FEELING

THOSE FEELINGS

I had felt this way before, and guess what… I made it.

My mom got help and so did I. I am well on the way to recovery from my abuse and have turned my life far from that direction.

I can drive. Rather safely I might add. I even had a CDL permit for a while.

I made it back into school the next year and my life went on. It didn’t end that weekend. He is a better person today because of that break up. So am I.

I finished school and did receive my Ministry Credentials. I even used them for a year.

The Wedding went off without a hitch and was absolutely stunning. (The marriage is pretty awesome as well)

I love Texas. I have learned so many things from that move. About myself. About my husband. Our marriage has grown stronger. I’ve made amazing new friends. I’ve been able to heal past wounds. I even learned that maybe I don’t need so much STUFF and that I don’t have to dress and act like diva to be beautiful.

The end may not have always been exactly what I wanted, but after those feelings always came a better day. It may not have been the very next day, but I was always better for whatever I walked through. As I will be with this.

This child will teach me so many new things I have yet to imagine I need to learn.

I am excited.

For though today I feel overwhelmed. I know someday in the near future, I will instead be overwhelmed with new joy.

-TMW

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